Where do I even begin? We welcomed our precious baby boy, Samuel James, on Monday at 4:49 am. He was 24 weeks and 4 days old, so he was 16 weeks early. He weighed 1 lb 15 oz and was 12.5 inches long. The last 5 days have been a complete whirlwind while we struggle to understand why this happened and how to watch our baby boy continue to grow in the NICU. We are trying to learn our "new normal" as we pray for and visit Samuel. He has proven that he is a fighter and truly is a little miracle. It is still unbelievable to me that I am no longer pregnant, and that I now have to watch my baby grow while attached to lots of tubes. When you add hormones on top of all of that, my days have been SO up and down. I know that the Lord is taking us through this journey for a reason and I know that His plan is so much better than I could ever imagine. It's amazing how much your priorities change in a matter of hours. Here's a snapshot of how quickly everything happened.
I began spotting on Sunday around dinner time. I contacted my gynocologist as it continued and she just said to monitor it and call the on-call doctor if it got worse. As the night went on, I began noticing cramping. I stayed on the couch all evening hoping it would help everything stop. Once I got into bed, the cramping became more rhythmic and were 2-4 minutes apart for about 40 minutes. I decided to call to see what the on-call doctor wanted me to do. When I listed off my symptoms, the on-call doctor suggested I go on to the hospital since I was on 24 weeks. This was at about 11:00 Sunday night.
Once my sister got to the house to be with Matthew, Mike and I headed to the hospital. At this point, the bleeding had increased and I was hysterical. They put us in a triage room and hooked me up to all of the monitors. Once I heard Samuel's heartbeat, I was more at ease. They did not think I was having contractions based on what they were picking up on the monitor. After a while, the cramping went away. Mike and I stayed in our triage room for a few hours while they monitored everything. My sweet parents stayed in the waiting room. In order to rule out a few things, they had to put in a catheter to make sure the bleeding wasn't from my bladder. Then, they put in an iv of fluids in case I was dehydrated. After this, my parents were able to come back to sit with us. It was during this time, probably around 3 am, that I began having cramps again. However, this time I could tell they were different. As they continued, my mom started timing them and they were 2 minutes apart. At this time, the nurse could tell that I was having contractions based on what the monitor was picking up, so she called to update the on-call doctor.
After the update, the Dr. H came in to check me out. When he did, he said he could not tell how dilated I was due to my water sack bulging so much. He then prepared us for everything that could happen. I could take the meds to stop labor, but stay in the antepartum unit until baby arrives. My water could break, and I would stay in the antepartum until until baby arrives. My water could break and I would have the baby. He also asked if I'd discussed the possibility of having a VBAC since I had a c-section with Matthew. I told him it was on the agenda for my next prenatal appointment. Because of that, he did an ultrasound to make sure baby was head down in case things went quickly, and he was.
Before I knew it, Mike and I were being put into a labor and delivery room just in case. I'd already been given the meds to help stop labor and I was praying that they'd work. By the time we got into our L & D room, about 4:20 am, things went so fast. I had to sign many forms and talk to a NICU nurse so we'd know what would happen if I were to have him. I had about 5 contractions during all of this and was having the urge to push. Then, the next 2 contractions were very mild and tolerable. My thought was that the medicine was working. Well, on the next, very painful contraction, my water broke. Right then, things began to spin and I was in a fog. I told Mike my water broke, and he relayed the message to the nurses. I remember the nurses yelling that my water had broken and to get the doctor and NICU in the room. A nurse checked me immediately, and said I was "good to go". My response, "What does that mean"? She told me that I was 10 cm and that the baby's head was right there. A huge feeling of terror came over me. By this point, the doctor and 10 other people had come into the room. I had to wait through one contraction, and thankfully a nurse put her face in mine to help me focus. I know I had a look of terror on my face.
It took 2 contractions and 5 pushes to get Samuel out. He let out 2 little cries (something that didn't even cross my mind to listen for) and was taken quickly to the NICU team. I only saw the top of his head. I tried to get a glimpse of him while the doctor was finishing up, but there were too many nurses around him. It wasn't long before they took him to the NICU unit and Mike and I were left wondering what had just happened. We called our parents and began spreading the word & asking for prayers. Dr. S, one of the neonatologists, came to visit with Mike and I around 6:45 am. He prepared us for what we would see when we first saw Samuel - what all of the tubes were and how they were helping Samuel. He also went over what to expect during the first week. I broke down when he started explaining possible complications with being born so early. While we know there is a chance for complications, and we needed to know ahead of time, we have faith that the Lord will keep our Samuel healthy. The doctor basically told us to strap on our seatbelts because we are going to feel like we are on a rollercoaster.
Mike and I first got to see Samuel around 7:30 am. It is so hard to explain the emotion when seeing your baby hooked up to so many monitors for the first time. Trying to process everything that had happened in the course of 5 hours was emotionally draining. The rest of Monday was spent calling the NICU often for updates, getting hugs/prayers/cards/flowers/food from a multitude of visitors, crying, trying to sleep, and having Mike push me in a wheelchair to see our Samuel. It was overwhelming to feel the amount of love & support that came from family and friends in just 1 day. I know the Lord has heard (and is still listening) to every prayer that is being lifted up for Samuel. I stayed in the hospital until Wednesday afternoon so I could be as close to Samuel as possible. I had been told how hard it is to leave the hospital after giving birth and having to leave your baby there, but you just can't prepare for it. As the day went on, I got more and more emotional. I began to panic inside as the hour we were to leave got closer. As Mike and I went to say goodbye to Samuel before leaving, I broke down before getting to NICU (I'm crying just thinking about it). Leaving him felt like leaving a very big piece of my heart behind. I know he is in good hands, but I would give anything to be able to stay with him constantly. I am thankful that we are only 20 minutes away from the hospital. Some moms have to drive hours just to see their baby.
Right now, I'm trying to see Samuel at least 3 times a day and I call the NICU in between visits (even at 3 am). My plan is to start spending a few hours at a time at the hospital so I can see him more often. A family friend of ours who recently went through something similar with her grandbabies said that this would be a "journey". She was so accurate! I can only imagine what the rest of the journey will bring, but I know that at the end of this journey God's name will be glorified. This is all a part of His plan, and I know in my heart that He has amazing things planned for Samuel. While I visit Samuel I make sure to pray over him and just thank God for our little miracle. I found this quote and it just fits perfectly, "a little bit of heaven sent down to earth so you can see a miracle in the making". Watching as Samuel kicks and moves around, seeing his perfectly formed body, counting all 10 fingers and toes with finger nails, noticing his dark hair, smiling as he breaths in and out just proves that he is a miracle.
I will do my best to continue to update about Samuel, but I will also continue updating about our family. We are talking with Matthew often and showing him pictures of his brother to help prepare him for when he gets to see Samuel for the first time. I am so in love with the 3 boys that God has put in my like - Mike, Matthew, and Samuel! What a blessed woman I am!
For this child I prayed, and the Lord answered my prayer. 1 Samuel 1:27
